Such Beautiful Sadness

Sitting here at my computer and going through my daily routine and te indeterminate career of mine and I'm listening to a bittersweet song by some new singer whose name I don't even know and in some time signature (feels like 6/4, the way it floats along like ocean waves) and I don't knwo if it's the time of year (i.e. the time of the season for . . . you know the old song!) or that music that I'm listening to but suddenly I feel very melancholy.

That's better than the word "sadness" - "melancholy" . . . Such Beautiful Melancholy.

The type of melancholy in which you feel as though tears could well in your eyes and spill down your face and that would bring you some brilliant comfort, some sort of euphoria, to cry without shame, to cry with sheer abandon,

and it's a sadness that makes your heart beat a little faster and your face flush and your throat tightens ever so slightly. It's the same feeling you get when you FIRST realize that you like somebody a "little bit more than friends"

oh my goodness I can't put it in words . . . there must be words for it, but better poets than me have worked longer hours at finding those words.

I just wanted to post a little blog here in memorium of this feeling that I have at this moment - and at risk of sounding persnippient (which is a word I just now made up), I must tell you that this blog post is my beautiful tears, flush and hot and streaming down my cheeks, splayed out across my big wide grin.